


Why are you like this

by Navire_Reine



Series: Text fics ig :) [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ebony and Hange are basically non-binary siblings we’ve wanted, Ebony asks random people to join them in a double suicide for no fucking reason, Ebony is a Dazai kinnie, Ebony makes ALOT of sex jokes, Ebony roasts everyone, Ebony stop scaring the kids, F/M, M/M, because they’re drunk, ebony and Levi are like Soukoku but a different font, everyone’s gay or mental I don’t make the rules, except for erwin, levi is sick of everyone’s bs, lol, text fic, they lonely as fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29952831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navire_Reine/pseuds/Navire_Reine
Summary: Ebony added Levi and twenty four others to unnamed.Ebony renamed unnamed to ‘Survey Whores’Levi: Ebony wtfEbony: oops my bad
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë, Nanaba/Mike Zacharias, Reiner Braun/Porco Galliard/Bertolt Hoover, Sasha Blouse/Niccolo
Series: Text fics ig :) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2202966
Kudos: 5





	1. A drunk suicidal college student

**Ebony added Levi and twenty four others to ‘unnamed’.**

**Ebony renamed ‘unnamed’ to ‘Survey Whores’**

  
Levi: Ebony wtf

Ebony: oops my bad

**Ebony renamed Levi to ‘emo TWINKie’**

Emo TWINKie: why

Ebony: ur welcome 😘

emo TWINKie: fuck you

Eren: bruh i wake and the first thing i see is you guys flirting

Hange: the name tho lol

Ebony: oh shit i forgot sum

**Ebony renamed everyone**

Ebony: ur welcome whores

Captain America Kinnie: why

Ebony: look in the fucking mirror

Billie stan: wtf is wrong with you

Ebony: if u got a problem we can talk at the hospital 👁

Billie stan: no MA'AM 😃

🐎: bruh why is my name an emoji

Ebony: cuz 😌

Cowboy: i-

Cowboy: wait who is everyone?

Ebony: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh hold up lemme check

Ebony: okie so here's everyone-

emo TWINKie: Levi

Captain America Kinnie: Erwin

Billie Stan: Eren

🐎: Jean

Cowboy: Marco

Ocean simp: Armin

Wednesday Addams: Mikasa

Mother i crave alcohol: Moblit

👀👀: Hange

✨rEin@H✨: Reiner

Big bird: Bertolt

Blonde sasugay: Annie

Le Monke: Zeke

Put a ring on that finger: Pieck

Pocky or Porky: Porco

Wait Porky has a twin???: Marcel

Food Network: Sasha

Aang cosplay: Connie

Gingie: Isabel

Sandy: Furlan

Disney princess: Historia

History's bitch: Ymir

Bananana: Nanaba

Hunting dog: Mike

Ebony: and thats that

Captain America Kinnie: and why did you do this

Ebony: drilynk

Ebony: *drunk

✨rEin@H✨: wtf

Mother i crave alcohol: aren't u babysitting your nephew

emo TWINKie: and how do YOU know that exactly

Mother i crave alcohol: they randomly called me saying they drank 6 bottles of whiskey

👀👀: and you didn't bother inviting me

👀👀: rude

emo TWINKie: stfu you have moblit babysitting you

👀👀: and that i appreciate 😌

Aang cosplay: enough of that how have you not passed out from drinking all that bottles of whiskey

Ebony: don't know probably just built different 😈😳🥶

🐎: don't do that

Ebony: no🥰

emo TWINKie: die

Ebony: that's a nice offer but I'm not gonna do a double suicide with a child

emo TWINKie: i-

Ebony: sorry 😭

**emo TWINKie changed Ebony to ‘Dazai kinnie’**

Dazai kinnie: omg thank you bestie🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

emo TWINKie: ew no erwin save me

Captain America Kinnie: omw

emo TWINKie: thank you

Ocean simp: so we're all gonna ignore the whole double suicide thing?

Wednesday Addams: at this point it's just normal

Pocky or Porky: OKAY WHO THE FUCK GAVE ME THIS NAME!?

Wait Porky has a twin???: OMG LMAOOOOO AKBDKWOBDKQH&÷"@€IWKEBE

Billie stan: Ebony

Ocean simp: Ebony

Wednesday Addams: Ebony

Big bird: Ebony

✨rEin@H✨: Ebony

Blonde sasugay: Ebony

emo TWINKie: Ebony

Captain America Kinnie: Ebony

Gingie: Ebony

Sandy: Ebony

Put a ring on that finger: Ebony

👀👀: Ebony

Mother i crave alcohol: Ebony

Le Monke: Ebony

Food Network: Ebony

Aang cosplay: Ebony

🐎: Ebony

Cowboy: Ebony

Bananana: Ebony

Hunting dog: Ebony

Dazai kinnie: damn stop snitching on me😤😭😰

Wait Porky has a twin???: @Dazai kinnie thank you

Dazai kinnie: ur welcome lol 🤡

Billie stan: wait but how did you get our numbers in the first place

Dazai kinnie: ….

Dazai kinnie: don't worry abt that

Food Network: okay now I'm scared

Dazai kinnie: you should be 👹

Captain America Kinnie: Ebony stop scaring the kids.

Dazai kinnie: no 🌚

Big bird: okay but can you atleast explain the names????

Dazai kinnie: sure lol 😂

Dazai kinnie: with levi it's kinda self explanatory.

emo TWINKie: how tf is my name self explanatory

Dazai kinnie: read ur name and look at who ur dating…

Dazai kinnie: then we can talk

🐎: damn

Dazai kinnie: and SPEAKING of jean's name that one's self explanatory as well

Dazai kinnie: and as for marco…

Cowboy: please don't

Dazai kinnie: cowboys ride horses 😏

Le Monke: why are you like this

Dazai kinnie: and why do you keep flirting with Levi even tho he's with erwin 🤨

Le Monke: i-

Dazai kinnie: that's what i fucking thought

Aang cosplay: GAH DAYUM they got you good

Dazai kinnie: and as for you

Aang cosplay: please don't

Dazai kinnie: oh i don't need to say anything i just gotta look at you shawty

Aang cosplay: damn what did i do 😭

Gingie: damn they’re killing everyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I named Isabel ‘gingie’ after what shrek calls the ginger bread man and that she’s a literal ginger.
> 
> Also Ebony is my first oc and use they/them pronouns. (And I may have not gotten inspired by Dazai from bsd)
> 
> And istg Ebony and Levi are literally Dazai and Chuuya from bsd.


	2. Friday the 13th am I right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of this because of an oujia board

**At ‘Survey Whores’**

  
Dazai kinnie: good morning whores

Le Monke: bitch its 3 am

Dazai kinnie: and ur awake soooo

Le Monke: …

Dazai kinnie: anywho I'm talking to my grandparents rn.

Pocky or Porky: wait aren't ur grandparents dead or smth

Dazai kinnie: and who do YOU know that pocco

Pocky or Porky: first of all fuck u bitch second of all eren told me

Wait Porky has a twin???: pocco lol

Pocky or Porky: UR SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

Wait Porky has a twin???: lol okie pocco

Pocky or Porky: fuck u

Le Monke: okay but ur grandparents are dead and ur talking to them ……

Dazai kinnie: ….

Le Monke: what did u do

Dazai kinnie: ever heard of the ouija board 😏

Le Monke you have an oujia board???

Dazai kinnie: yur

Hunting dog: omg send a pic of it

Bananana: babe wtf

Dazia kinnie: omg yes

**Dazai kinnie sent a picture**

Hunting dog: gah dayum she lookin fine as hell💅

Bananana: mike you talk like a blonde bitch

Hunting dog: were both blonde 😍

Dazai kinnie: mike be like: sorry I'm so stupid its because I'm blonde

Le Monke: AKFVWJHSNAK BYE

Captain America Kinnie: not them targeting all the blondes in the gc

emo TWINKie: wtf

Dazai kinnie: im sorry but its always the blondes that do sum dumbass shit okay

Dazai kinnie: not to mention @Big bird literally has a thing for blondes

Big bird: i-

Billie stan: bro tf

Dazai kinnie: like I'm literally not joking

emo TWINKie: when have you've never been joking

Dazai kinnie: rude

Dazai kinnie: anywho

Dazai kinnie: like when we all first met i knew damn well that Beethoven had a crush on annie Dazai kinnie: a fucking blonde

🐎: BEETHOVEN LMAOOQMDBIWBSMW

Dazai kinnie: i can't spell right rn its dark asf over here

Hunting dog: gurl where are u i wanna see the oujia board in person

Dazai kinnie: im in the forest

Mother i crave alcohol: why are u in the forest

Dazai kinnie: cuz its 3am and friday the 13th

Captain America Kinnie: what the fuck

👀👀: damn even erwin said fuck at what you just did

Pocky or Porky: I'm scared now

Dazai kinnie: you should be 🤠

emo TWINKie: why tf does that emoji remind me of Kenny

Dazai kinnie: maybe cuz he built different 😩😏

Wednesday Addams: i know damn well i did not just hear ebony call Levi's uncle hot

Dazai kinnie: is he not????? 🤔

emo TWINKie: BITCH HE'S LITERALLY DATING HISTORIA'S UNCLE

Dazai kinnie: okay and 🙄

emo TWINKie: i-

Dazai kinnie: can i not call someone's uncle hot

Blonde sasugay: i literally wake up due to phone being annoying cuz of this gc and i find that ebony is using the oujia board in the forest at 3am on friday the 13th, targeting blondes, calling out bertolt for having a thing for blondes and having a crush on me and now calling Levi's uncle hot.

Dazai kinnie: small muscular blondes to be exact

Blonde sasugay: i should've never open my phone to see this

Mother i crave alcohol: welcome to the club

Big bird: okay but how tf did u know my type

Dazai kinnie: i know everyone's types 🙈

Cowboy: how the fuck-

Food Network: damn now marco just said fuck-

Dazai kinnie: like literally almost-

Dazai kinnie: no EVERYONE'S type is literally blonde

History's bitch: shit historia come pick me up I'm scared

Billie stan: DAMN did ymir just say she's scared

Dazai kinnie: and ur next

Billie stan: ….

Billie stan: Mikasa-

Wednesday Addams: omw

Aang cosplay: damn now everyone's scared

Dazai kinnie: do i gotta remind you …..

Aang cosplay: …

Aang cosplay: imma sleep now 😀

Hunting dog: bitch @Dazai kinnie where tf are you I've been looking for you for almost an hour

Bananana: bruh ur still looking for them

Hunting dog: i gotta see the fine ass oujia board with my own eyes 😩

Gingie: damn he's desperate to see that board 😏

Sandy: honestly

emo TWINKie: why tf are you two still awake

Billie stan: and ur not worrying abt the fact that ebony is scaring the living shit out of us rude 🙄

emo TWINKie: eren ur fine go ask ur parents if you can sleep with them

Le Monke: LMAOOOKSVWJANIA

Dazai kinnie: aren't you sleeping with erwin???

emo TWINKie: i-

Captain America Kinnie: and how tf do you know that

emo TWINKie: please don't tell me ur stalking us again

Dazai kinnie: no stalking is Zeke's thing i just know how to hack into people's devices and see their private messages

Le Monke: bruh wtf did i do to you

Dazai kinnie: not going back to the zoo

Billie stan: LMAOOOWBDJWASBDH

✨rEin@H✨: DAMN GET ROASTED

Hunting dog: guys i think im gonna die

Captain America Kinnie: bro why

Bananana: babe what did you do

Hunting dog: someone's been following me and they smell like a cemetery

emo TWINKie: and how tf do you know what a cemetery smells like???

👀👀: ^

Mother i crave alcohol: ^^

Bananana: ^^^

Captain America Kinnie: ^^^^

Hunting dog: don't worry abt that-

Hunting dog: OH SHIT

Bananana: what happened

Hunting dog: THEY'RE FUXKING CHASING ME WTF GUYS HELP ME

Gingie: oop-

Sandy: ^

Bananana: i want to help you but you wanted to see ebony's oujia board

Hunting dog: GUYS THEY'RE REALLY FUCKING FAST WTF CALL THE POLICE

Le Monke: wtf how fast

Hunting dog: levi but sugar high or on steroids

👀👀: damn

emo TWINKie: bitch ur fine

Hunting dog: okay i think i lost them

Dazai kinnie: look behind u 👹

Put a ring on that finger: 👁👄👁

Billie stan: ^

Hunting dog: OMFG

Hunting dog: HAVE YOU BEEN CHASING ME

Dazai kinnie: ya lol

Hunting dog: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

Dazai kinnie: got bored

Hunting dog: bruhhhhhhhhhhhhh also why do you smell like a cemetery

Dazai kinnie: i forgot to tell you i was at the cemetery in the forest lmao my bad 🙉🙈

emo TWINKie: what.

emo TWINKie: the.

emo TWINKie: fuck.

Hunting dog: is that why you smell like death itself

Dazai kinnie: if ur gonna contact the dead with the oujia board or smth at 3am on friday the 13th best u do it in a cemetery 😉

Hunting dog: go to hell

Dazai kinnie: can't

Hunting dog: i- why the hell not????

Dazai kinnie: 1.) gotta commit double suicide with a pretty lady, guy or whatever 2.) Gotta make an appointment with daddy satan if i can go to hell or not and 3.) I haven't caused enough damage to this world yet

emo TWINKie: you did not just say daddy-

Dazai kinnie: ur not my mom stfu

emo TWINKie: i-

Hunting dog: can i see the board now pls

Dazai kinnie: sure lol

Put a ring on that finger: its 3:41

emo TWINKie: …

emo TWINKie: say sike rn

Bananana: ur telling me that all this bullshit manifested in a span of 41 minutes?????

Put a ring on that finger: yup

Hunting dog: damn

Dazai kinnie: the witching hour aint over yet

-

-

-

-

Wait Pocky has a twin???: wtf did i just witness

Pocky or Porky: hell

**Author's Note:**

> Dazai kinnie: Ebony  
> emo TWINKie: Levi  
> Captain America Kinnie: Erwin  
> Billie Stan: Eren  
> 🐎: Jean  
> Cowboy: Marco  
> Ocean simp: Armin  
> Wednesday Addams: Mikasa  
> Mother i crave alcohol: Moblit  
> 👀👀: Hange  
> ✨rEin@H✨: Reiner  
> Big bird: Bertolt  
> Blonde sasgay: Annie  
> Le Monke: Zeke  
> Put a ring on that finger: Pieck  
> Pocky or Porky: Porco  
> Wait Porky has a twin???: Marcel  
> Food Network: Sasha  
> Aang cosplay: Connie  
> Gingie: Isabel  
> Sandy: Furlan  
> Disney princess: Historia  
> History's bitch: Ymir  
> Bananana: Nanaba  
> Hunting dog: Mike


End file.
